Generations

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Subjects And Services

Wouldn’t you know it, but your beautiful face is all I have left. You would have never guessed it.
This is a feeble attempt at collecting my thoughts when they are purely scattered.
Purely, in a way that is innocent or pure. Thorough and definitive.
Just short drives. Short drives, nothing too far or risky.
We stay within safety. We stay within comfort.
Within radius and ambit. No. No comfort.
Do not prepare to be let down.
I am attempting something.
Obscurity by numbers.
Sheer amazement.
Nothing spared.
Cowards.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.
Courage.
No one cared.
Utter bemusement.
Infinite by slumber.
I am attempting something.
Do not prepare to be anything.
Comfortable in a new home. Comfort.
We embrace the vulnerability. Stay close.
Nautical miles. Dark red vials. Mountainous piles.
Traditional, established. In a white picket fence type of way.
This is a feeble attempt at scattering my thoughts when they are purely nostalgic.
Wouldn’t you know it, but there is substance surrounding me. You would have never guessed it.
I guess I should apologize for limiting my story telling. I just try so hard to write with a vengeance.
Vengeance. But why? I should have none. I deserve none. Just four digits and a short drive.
That’s all I’ve ever asked. This envelope torments me because I can’t open it. It won’t.
So I decided to write back and this time I make two copies. You can’t read them.
I can’t show you. It would ruin it for everyone else. The ones that can see.
Don’t try to resist. Don’t tempt your own curiosity. I have you.
In the mornings they scheme. Then they are tense.
They sear and are charred. Not burnt.
They are chomping at bits.
They line up to see it.
The parade.
Courage.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.
Cowards.
The discipline.
They line up to see it.
They are disgusting in laughter.
They freeze and are dried by the sun.
At night they fester. Then they are tranquil.
But we will not lose our discipline. Not yet devoured.
My friends once had friends. Now they have acquaintances.
And they smile and lie as if I can’t see through it all. Well dressed.
Well dressed but less inclined. Less inspired. Less like themselves. Less.
Reduced to marionettes just like the ones we hated. I dare you to question sacrifice.
I dare you to pretend like you were never side by side for the years that shaped who you are.


Furthermore.
I dare you to pretend like all of the photographs aren’t real. Tell me they are purely mirages.
I dare you to pretend like this would have been possible for either of us without the other.
I dare you to pretend like we wouldn’t love to see you two maintaining something that’s a part of me.
I dare you to pretend like I never asked you to take care of my brother. One simple request.
Tell me that a house of full of dynamite could be streamlined to static. Two houses. No noise.
You have wild imaginations if you thought you could ever just erase anything from recent memory.
But no. I digress. No vengeance. I don’t deserve it.
Start.
Stop.
Start.




WW

Out Like A Lamb Part 5: Conversations With Thomas

“Okay, let’s get this started. Your name is Thomas… how do you pronounce your last name?”


“That doesn’t matter. I go by Thomas.”


“Well I’m glad you came to see me. I guess we can start whenever you’re ready.”


“I guess I’m just tired… and for the record I didn’t come to see you.”


“Right, okay. What are you tired of?”


“I guess I’m just tired of writing and talking and thinking about all of the same shit. I don’t want to talk about the city anymore or anyone that lives there. I don’t want to write about the liquids dripping off of me. I don’t want to write about the sun rising in the East because I can’t see it anymore. We’re splattered across the West.”


“What do you mean you didn’t come to see me? Who is in the West?”


“The sun is in the West. That’s where it rises. Google it. Wikipedia it. Whatever you want to do. That’s where that shit comes up. All this time I’ve been in the East thinking the world was round, but it’s not.”


“Why do you think it’s flat, Thomas?”


“When did I say I thought it was flat?”


“Well, you didn’t. But if you don’t think it’s round, then you must think it’s flat.”


“Ah. You are a slick one, Doc. That’s why I like you. The world is flat.”


“Why do you think that?”


“How else do people just fall in and out of you. Where do they go?”


“Well… I think that people enter and exit your life for a reason… even if that reason isn’t always clear.”


“That sounds like basic fucking bull shit, Doc.”


“The world is round Thomas.”


“The world is round. I don’t know, you know, I’m going to have to disagree with you. I’ve had a lot of friends make promises to me that they didn’t keep. I thought more.”


“Can you expand on that thought?”


“You know what? I have a question for you this time.”


“Well, go right ahead and ask, Thomas.”


“How many trucks are on an American military base?”


“I don’t know, Thomas. That’s an interesting question. I think it would vary from base to base.”


“No. There is 1.”


“That doesn’t seem right.”


“The truck you are referring to is called a vehicle. A “truck” is the gold ball on top of a flag pole. On American military bases there is a “truck” on top of the flag pole that is outside of Building 1, the Command Post. Do you want to know what is inside the truck?”


“Sure.”


“There is a razor, matches, and a loaded .38. You see, the flag is sacred and will never be surrendered. In the event that the enemy has overrun the base or post, the flag pole will be knocked over and the gold ball will be opened by the last soldier alive. The razor will be used to cut the flag off of the pole. The matches will be used to burn the American flag because the flag will not be desecrated by the enemy. Surrendering the flag to the enemy admits defeat and we will not admit defeat. The loaded .38 will be used by the remaining soldier on himself. The enemy will not take him alive. It is unlawful to surrender yourself when there is still a chance for victory and suicide will always prevent the soldier from revealing any information to the enemy. We will not let you take our flag. We will not give up the ship.”


“I don’t really see how that’s relevant.”


“Aren’t you the doctor? Analyze that shit.”


“Just what are you so afraid of?”


“I’m afraid that my children will be forgotten and I will be forgotten with them.”


“That sound reasonable, but why do you feel it’s so necessary to be remembered?”


“I’ve heard that if you kill someone and keep them inside of a wall they don’t go to Heaven or Hell. I mean, I wouldn’t really know because I’ve never killed or been killed, but I’ve been told that the Grim Reaper can’t get to the body if it’s inside of a wall. They soul is stuck inside of the body. That’s terrible isn’t it? There are lives in the walls… life in the walls and they can’t be saved because God forgot to tell them that you‘re not supposed to die in the walls.”


“I don’t understand…”


“Guess what, Doc? I can make music with my fingers.” (snaps)


“Why don’t you try channeling your thoughts, Thomas?”


“No more questions, Doc. I just want to go to sleep now. You know, sometimes I think my dreams are real life and that real life is all a dream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream.”


Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintances be forgotten,
And days of long ago !




For old long ago, my dear
For old long ago,
We will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago.


We two have run about the hillsides
And pulled the daisies fine,
But we have wandered many a weary foot
For old long ago.


We two have paddled (waded) in the stream
From noon until dinner time,
But seas between us broad have roared
Since old long ago.


And there is a hand, my trusty friend,
And give us a hand of yours,
And we will take a goodwill draught (of ale)
For old long ago!


And surely you will pay for your pint,
And surely I will pay for mine!
And we will take a cup of kindness yet
For old long ago!


Dial tone.


Ring. Ring. Ring.


-Hello?


-Hey, how are you?


-Who is this? Thomas? Is that you?


-Yea, it’s me. It’s… it’s Thomas.


-Oh my God! It’s so good to hear from you. How are you?


-I’m good. I’m… I’m doing well. How are you?


-I’m great! Just finishing up school for the semester. I can’t believe you called! What was it like?


-(Laughs) Well, um, you definitely can’t get dessert. I mean, it was okay.


-No dessert? That’s terrible. Do they yell?


-Yea, they yell. A lot. But you get used to it. Yea, it’s… you get used to it.


-And you just take it?


-Well… (laughs) you can’t really do anything about it.


-I’d never survive there.


-You’d be surprised. (laughs)


-So where are you going to be?


-I don’t know yet. Hopefully… um, I’m hoping for something… I don’t know.


-When are you coming back? I want to take you out for your birthday.


-It’s going to be awhile. I think. I’m not sure yet. Can we maybe talk about something else?


-Well, yea, sure. What do you want to talk about?


-Tell me about yourself. Tell me about what you’ve doing… everything.


-Thomas, you know enough about me. I’ve just been out with the girls. Having fun, getting into to trouble. The usual.


-I hope not too much trouble.


-No. Not too much trouble. Just a little.


-Good, good. Sounds like you’ve been having a great time.


-I still can’t believe you just left like that.


-Hey. Stop it. Stop. Not now.


-I’m serious, Thomas. I want to turn this thing around. You never really knew…


-Listen to me. You’ve had longer to get over it than me so I don’t want to even get into to it.


-So I guess your hair is a little shorter?


-Yea it is. It’s umm… it’s not bad. I really like it here. I’ve made some great friends and it’s pretty cool.


-That’s really good. I’m glad. Um… I’m getting another call from my… um… a friend, so can I call you back?


-You don’t have to call me back. It’s okay.


-No, I will. I promise.


-Just have fun tonight and be safe. Good-bye.


Dial tone.


-Hi, this is Thomas. I can’t get to my phone right now so just leave a message and I’ll get back to you.


-Hey! I was just giving you a call back like I said I would. Um… I guess you’re a little busy right now so, um, just give me a call back whenever you get a chance. Whenever you get a chance. Whenever you get a chance.


Row, row, row, your boat gently down the fucking stream.


ME

I'll Be Proud Of You No Matter What

Credits on all but two of these go to other people.


Don't tell them anything.

Out Like A Lamb: Part 4

I’ll see you in the east, where the Sun rises.


It’s all I see.


I was outside and he let me in, but I knew I couldn’t stay there. I’m not even sure why I went. I wish you could tell me. I was there a few nights but things got bad. I started dreaming about a former life, a previous time. There was a man in my dream and he said… He said. He said. He said… Shit.


He said “what does a Jew want with a Samaritan? You know that they have no place among Samaritans.” But didn’t I stand on my own trying to hold back the tears on parade grounds? Six to the front, three to the rear, that’s the way we swing them here. Hut, two, three, four. Hut, two, three, four. Right here where they tell you not to lock your knees, because the position of attention is an exercise of discipline.


I see the pedestrians so pedestrian just dying to feel useful like the abandoned bible in a hotel drawer. And I hope I have been useful even for just a minute. I’m just tired of being tired of being tired of being tired. I don’t want to keep carrying my chains around with me. Which is why I stayed at a hotel just a few miles from my brothers house. Or maybe he decided to buy a house just a few miles from my hotel. Wherever the coattails lead, not who they belong to, that’s what I always say. And the romance novel I left behind was just another Technicolor dance in a dream that I still have. But be it train, plane, or automobile, I still exist.


If there’s nothing better to do we can practice parade. And we will be uniformed throughout the dormitory, because if it’s good for the goose then it’s good for the gander.


You can’t outrun the radio.


“I’m sorry darling, but I don’t remember much.”


I walked slowly down the hall to my brothers room and told him I had to stay in a hotel because I wasn’t comfortable sleeping with an alien in my room. I mean… he didn’t… how would you have taken that? Do you… Do you think she missed? Anything? Renee is that you? What a gorgeous nightmare. Now it’s back to sleep in this Holiday Inn. So I walked down the hall and then I left. Christmas was early and he left the scissors neatly on the counter top but I did not run with them I only used them to clip excess strings off of my shirt.


On the walk from the parking lot to the hotel reception desk I was stopped by a man. He told me he had built 10 carriages of equal size and equal measure. Ten carriages. For what? He wouldn’t say. I knew who he was. He didn’t fool me. You know what they say: fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, not going to fucking happen. God of Israel where were you when the infants were bleeding? Was theirs the blood that ran rivers red? Save the women and children, for they are the closest to God. Save the women and children, for they are the closest to us. Save the women and children, for they are the closest to love. Let the men die first. We fight the wars. We wear the scars. Let us do it.


And after I died in battle New York named fucking buildings after me. I never was able to take a picture of them; those buildings remain untouched. It’s written in stone and your heart is the throne. It’s written in stone and your heart is the throne.


Once things change how do you unchanged them? I’m always so inquisitive. The sex is free but the sound is not. That’s what she told me. Can you believe that shit?


“Going for a walk… what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”


“It means I’m going for a fucking walk.”


On that pad I could drift away. I would lose myself in my mind as long as I stayed in step and pivoted on the correct foot. Inline, pivot, twelve, twenty-four, left, right, left. Right flanks, left flanks, discipline, and day dreams. It was those few days around Christmas when everything was supposed to be normal again. Was it? Was it?


A story: “Yea, sure, I’ll tell you a story, what’s the heck? I lived next to this girl I liked and for years I would buy her candy and little things like that. She used to say ‘Oh, Elvin, you remind me of my brother.’ I used to think she liked me too. So my brother went off and joined the Marines and he come back from boot camp and told me he been dating the girl for years. That made me mad, so we flung each other ‘round the backyard for a little bit. We was just a few country bumpkins. He was a Jarhead, so I wasn’t supposed to be able to do that to him. Long story short, if a girl tells you that you remind her of her brother… well, that’s her way of letting you down easy.”


“Oh, Mother, He came down from above and saved us all.” Maybe I’m wrong but weren’t we just dancing? He saved them all and the mothers and daughters that lived through the flood were thankful and scared because the fathers and sons were still drowning. They screamed “To Hell with those bastards, for we have been found!” We moved like one body. Two hearts one body and you weren’t there when Christmas came early. You probably told your Mother that I left and to this I say: get the lead out of your dancing shoes.


Then I received a letter. It was from far away. Rocks and hard places.


“So I’m wondering what you think of the labyrinth being used as a torture device”


“What?”


“Well, I mean, do you think it’s cruel and unusual or do you think we should keep it?”


“Thomas, what the fuck?”


“Think about it. It’s not the governments fault what the minotaur does in there. We just have a labyrinth. Right? Am I right? Right?”


Oh, the letter was from Renee and I thought it was great. It’s great you miss me. I’m Thomas the fucking Tiger over here. You were scamming second rate lawyers in nightclubs while I was fucking whores in motel parking lots. Vacancy. Now that is real romance. You lust for businessmen with college degrees in fancy suits at fancy clubs with fancy cars that fancy you. Businessman that can organize and execute flawlessly a beautiful open-face party chock-full of Jetsetters and people that hang out with stars but aren’t actually starts themselves. But they couldn’t manage themselves out of a wet paper bag. Shoulders for my friends and backs for my foes.


And the drone continues on.


Elvin says: “You play the game. ‘I love you.’ ‘No, I love you the most.’ Hang up on her. Go to bed. Put an end to that stuff.”


And the drone continues on. You once wrote about me. Here is the truth…


They speak: I listen.


I speak. And you get angry that nobody gives a shit.


Someone please take me back to the Twenties when pilots were American Idols and bank robbers were movie stars. New York was so bright then. I asked her where all of the love had gone and she told me it was right where I left it. So I guess it’ll be there waiting for me when I get back. Or am I just looking in all of the wrong places?


Speak/Speak/Speak/Speak


!I am not the words that you so eloquently put together!


She tells me what I want to hear.


Something that really flabbers my gast: The reason that the British soldiers used to wear red coats is a fact that is not widely known. They didn’t wear them for fashion, protection, nicknames or camouflage. They wore the red coats so that when they went into battle and the first ranks were shot, the remaining ranks would not become frightened or sickened by the blood. It would blend in with the coat. This is the same general thought process that lead the French to color their trousers brown. Think about it.


I saw what you said about me and fuck it all. You should have kept drowning, Old Man. I have it with me and I doused it in gasoline.


Long live the King! Long live the King! Long live the King!


And the chorus goes:
Here we go again,
Same old shit again.


WW


It continues...

Out Like A Lamb: Poems For Thomas

Preface: www.myspace.com/sunbrothermusic. "Written In Stone"


Jimmy: Yea, we were best friends. Things change. I make a lot of money so I don’t give a fuck. I’ve managed to buy a lot of things and I’m pretty sure I’ll find another wife and another friend. How do you think I even got Suzanne in the first place? They can have each other. I’m not even mad. Fuck them. She will never be my wife ever again. I can’t even consider you a friend. You are dead to me. You will always be my brother. We will always be brothers. Until next time memories will get us by.


Suzanne: I kept calling and calling and calling and calling and calling but he never called back. I’m waiting for him. I’ve also moved on. Come back. I love you. I haven’t forgotten. We were sonnets. We were morning dew glistening on spring flowers. We were sunsets on abandoned beaches. We were sunken ships guarding buried treasure. We were what old writers wrote wistfully of. We made the sun rise in the east. Didn’t you see it, Thomas? They were just jealous. We were angels singing hymns on Sunday mornings. We were children laughing on Christmas morning. We were a midsummer day. We were murderers first. We happy few. That was us. I haven’t forgotten. What was I saying?


Old Man: Thomas was a good young man. He was strong and convincing. My wife and I loved his company. We had never had children but it felt like Thomas was our son. Sometimes when it was late at night, when neither of us could sleep, Thomas and I would talk until the sun came up. He was very interested in my World War 2 stories and he would often take notes. We would sit by the fireplace and talk about the Civil War. We would sip on tea and eat crackers. He loved the marmalade that my wife and I bought from the grocery store. He loved his room and the serenity of it. Towards the end of his stay he became increasingly eccentric, but I assumed he was just homesick. I never bothered him about keeping our guest room clean or anything like that. For so long all my wife and I had was each other. It was sort of comforting to have someone to take care of. He didn’t need it. He could take care of himself.


Thomas liked going into town. We live in a very small town. It is filled to the brim with Veterans and wives of Veterans. It is a good town. It breeds good people. We are strong here. Thomas fit in perfectly. He liked to go the library to visit a young woman he liked… I think her name was Renee. He didn’t talk about her much, but when he did he was always very polite and respectful. Thomas never really had a bad thing to say about anyone. At first. When Renee left him he became very erratic. One day he was just gone. He left everything in our guest room. I went through some of his writing. I was shocked at what Thomas had been writing and thinking. I was equally shocked at how good it was. I threw it all away before my wife could find any of it. I cried for the first time since 1946. We just try to forget about Thomas now. I hope he is okay, wherever he is. I miss the kid, though. Yea. I miss him. I miss you but we have to forget about you. Talk about civil war.


Old Woman: I would just like to start this off by saying that if any of you think this town is golden then I own a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you. I know what my husband wants you to believe. This place is terrible. There are drugs users, alcohol abusers, and I know I can speak for more than just myself when I say that we have our fair share of cheaters. I have only ever cheated on my husband twice. He was away at war and I didn’t know if he’d ever come back. Two days after the second incident I received a letter from him saying he would be home within two months. That was the last time I committed an act of infidelity. I can’t remember the day, month, or even the year. It’s been so long. I never told him because he doesn’t deserve that. I know it’s wrong, but who are you to tell me that I’m less of a person? I’m sure you’ve all done your fair share of sinning, so just let it go.


Thomas? This is about Thomas? I taught him how to sleep and then I forgot everything. He loved her. Who is Thomas? I don’t know a Thomas.


Renee: Oh, that town is gorgeous! I love going to school there. It is a nice break from the normal hustle and bustle of my hometown. I think you need to have the balance, though. That’s the main reason I go home on the weekends. It’s only a two hour train ride, plus I always miss my friends so much. During the week I never really have time to go out. You know, working at the library and going to school can get time consuming, so Thursday nights I go home for the weekend and go out to the bars and clubs. I’m not even 21 but we get away with so much it’s crazy.
How do you know so much about me? From Thomas? Anyway…


So today me and my friends went shopping on 5th Avenue. I bought Ray Bans, YSL…I went a little crazy, but it’s my money so who really cares? Tonight we’re going out drinking and… you want to know about Thomas? This fucking city is burning and he’s not here to stop it. No, wait, I mean I can’t stop it. It’s burning and I can’t stop it. I can’t stop it. We like to go out and dance and drink. It’s just cause we’re young and search of something. I don’t know what it is… maybe romance in suits and ties and expensive drinks and downtown bars and designer shit and sex and drugs and scandal. Maybe I just like to forget about things sometimes. I don’t really think about it that much. They are just jealous.


How do you know all of this? From Thomas? Anyway…


There’s this little space in my bathroom right between… I have to stop.


This fucking city is burning and he’s not here to stop it. Are you happy now? Did you miss anything? I have to stop.


William Wallace


More soon.

I AM BACK

I will have several new things soon.

I hope you are as excited about them as I am.

Thank you for being patient.

The speculation will resume shortly.

William Wallace.